Rock Stars From Mars

I didn’t have the bucket in the script.  Nice addition from T.

As I’ve said in the past, I write these a couple weeks ahead of time.  But for the life of me I can’t remember why I thought Hammy doing impressions was a good idea.   I vaguely recall getting the idea from some sitcom, but I may have dreamed that.   That’s the think with getting older…  your memories and your dreams get all jumbled and reality gets a little squishy.

At least that’s my excuse.  I have no idea what Charlie Sheen’s excuse is…

“I’m tired of pretending like I’m not bitching, a total fricking rock star from Mars, and people can’t figure me out; they can’t process me. I don’t expect them to. You can’t process me with a normal brain.”

Maybe Hammy understands Charlie.

Rock Stars from Mars speak the same language.*

*Crazy.

 

 

What’s My Sign?

Should have ended this one on Hammy’s line followed by a sigh from Verne.

Sigh.

Kansas In Your Rearview Mirror

Somewhere over the rainbow
Hammy flies.
Squirrels fly over the rainbow.
Why then, oh why can’t I?

Play It Again, Hammy

Captain Renault: What in heaven’s name brought you to Casablanca?
Rick: My health. I came to Casablanca for the waters.
Captain Renault: The waters? What waters? We’re in the desert.
Rick: I was misinformed.

You Say You Want a Revolution…

I was born in 1959, raised in a Republican household.  My father was/is an Ayn Rand Objectivist.  Today, I am neither a Republican or an Objectivist, nor am I Marxist or an admirer of Che Guevera.   My politics are pragmatic, middle of the road and frankly boring.   What I am is a half-assed humorist and a satirist.

The endlessly reproduced photo of Che Guevara is unarguably one of the most iconic images of the 20th century.   Some see Guevara as a revolutionary hero.  Others see him as a violent terrorist.  I see him for what he is today:  reduced to wearing a Bart Simpson shirt.

I think New Yorker cartoonist Mathew Diffe’s image is funny.   And I think Che wearing a beret with Hammy’s image is a further silly/ironic reductionist absurdity.   Think of a one way number line with Che on the left end, Bart in the middle and Hammy on the right end.   Doesn’t that feel like we’re headed in the right direction?

I agree.

Hammy Road

Most people blame Yoko Ono for the break up of the Beatles, but the truth is that a silly squirrel is the real culprit.

Hammy joined the Beatles as a harmonica wrestler shortly after their trip to India.   He bonded with each of the Beatles in turn.  John admired Hammy’s free spirit.  Paul liked that Hammy could be cute without being cloying.   George thought Hammy was the reincarnation of his boyhood pet hamster.  And Ringo thought Hammy was soft.   Each Beatle saw in Hammy what they were not:  free, schmaltz lite, spiritually connected and furry.   And each was inspired by Hammy to seek their separate path to enlightenment and/or eternal hammyness.

“All you need is love.”

And Hammy.

The Moon is Made of Grey Cheese

How exactly did Hammy get to the moon, you might ask?

No one really knows, but I speculate in the late sixties Hammy got hooked on the Tang, heard NASA had a big stash in that tall steamy looking thing, paid off Gunter the pad leader and stowed away aboard Apollo 11.

Look closely at the the video below of Armstrong first step on the moon.  At the 37 second mark there is a ghostly shadowy figure at the top of the ladder that may be a squirrel.   Or a smudge.  Or maybe Dick Nixon.

It’s my theory and I’m sticking to it.

Moon Over My Hammy

I must admit I torture poor T with these sort of cartoons.  Though in my defense I did find the images for him.

Stay tooned for a whole week of Hammy showing up Zelig-like in iconic images.

Yes, it’s random, but it’s a sweet kind of random.

My Tweets from Over the Hedge Network Premiere

For those of you missed my live tweeting last night you’re in luck!  I’ve obsessively posted them for you here.  At least the less boring ones.

• Welcome to Live Tweet of Over the Hedge on ABC. Haven’t seen the film in probably four years.
• Vending machine bit boarded by Jeff Snow added after I asked, “Why does RJ go into the cave?”
• Jim Carrey originally cast as RJ. My first choice: Bill Murray. Told he was too old.
• No product placement in Hedge. Smart decision. Would’ve been nightmare negotiations w/ brands.
• Catherine O’Hara, Eugene Levy were leads in TV series based on my comic: Committed.
• Nick Nolte voicing Vincent was inspired casting. Sat behind me at premiere. Didn’t laugh once.
• Never nuts about bear plot device, but in the end it worked.
• I liked using Ben Fold’s, but think JK regretted it. No big blow out dance number at end a la Shrek.
• I think El Rancho Camelot is my sole contribution to the script.
• First draft script written by Private Parts scribe Len Blum. Not much survived to final.
• @Vergiejune It was hard to let them go. They were in great hands at DWA. My job was to just stay the hell out their way. I did that well.
• Told getting Shandling to emote was damn near impossible. Still did great job.
• Continuity error: Verne reenters Hedge nowhere near where he exited. Yet animals in same spot.
• Privates a good licking line from Jim Carrey when he voiced RJ.
• Told Shandling brought in comedy buddies Patton Oswalt, Judd Apatow and others to punch up script.
• Hedge rights sat at Fox for 5 years before it got to DWA.
• Willis and Shatner had the thousand yard stare when I met them. Sorta disappointing.
• This RJ/Hammy rabid squirrrel scene was in the can a couple years before the movie came out. Like they built the film around this scene.
• When Fox had Hedge rights, JK said, “They’ll never make it, and when they don’t, I will.”
• Catherine O’Hara sat behind me at premiere and laughed her ass off.
• Didn’t like Verminator’s character design. Thought a less broad design would be more menacing.
• Hedge is the most Pixar-ish of all DWA films.
• Dr. Phil bit is funny and one of few pop culture references in the film. Very un-DWA.
• Great Looney Toons stuff with the dog. And very much like the strip.
• “You’re the devil.” Great line. Perfectly delivered.
• This end Act II RJ decides to help them when he/we know he’ll betray them never worked for me.
• Wanda Sykes was terrific. Kept reintroducing myself at premiere until she’d had enough, “I KNOW who you are!”
• “I’m not stupid.” Best line in whole movie. Only line delivered in Carrell’s own voice.
• Wanda Sykes loved working on Hedge. Told director Tim Johnson first time she had ever been given chance to really act.
• The Hammy laser pointer bit is brilliant. “But I like the cookie.”
• RJ’s change of heart feels a tad contrived. Works, but…
• Yes, faster than light Hammy bit like Hoodwink squirrel. No rip. Scene boarded, animated way before HW released.
• Hammy light speed scene got HUGE ovation during Canne Film Festival premiere.

And that’s most of the tweets.  The overnight ratings are out and Hedge averaged about 3.8 million viewers and did a 1.2/4 in the 18-49 demo.  Won the time slot in the demo in third half hour. Better than Hairspray the week before and slightly below Shrek the Third two weeks earlier.  In other words it did well, though not spectacularly well. Hope you enjoyed this experiment in social media and self-promotion.   Cheers!

Hammy Invents Hamnesday

Sure, this is just silly minded piffle, but it’s pretty good silly minded piffle.

Love T’s “Mousequistadors”.

And yes, I believe Hamnesday should fall between Saturday and Sunday thus bringing about the “Eight Days A Week,” as prophesied by the Beatles.

Or as Ed Sullivan said, “The Bee-ules!”