Top Five Reasons Tattoos Are a Bad Idea
5. A flaming vampire hamster on your back does not distract from your acne scars.
4. “Bob Forever” is very difficult to change into “Bogoslav Forever”
3. That Chinese character on your ankle actually means, “Toenail Merchant”
2. In 2054 when your butt sags to your knees, those Rolling Stone lips will look like a clown vagina.
1. They make God sad.
So you’re walking down a busy street in Chinatown, looking at the shop signs as you go. One in particular catches your eye, simply because it’s so difficult to tell what’s going on there. You pause to consider the sign.
After giving your brain a few moments to assemble the puzzle, a shock goes through you as you realize you’re looking at a picture of a festively-painted clown vagina with some indecipherable Mandarin script of some sort just beneath it.
Helpfully, the signmaker included what is presumably a fairly accurate transliteration. It reads, simply enough, “Toenail Merchant.” You feel your brow furrow as your brain double-checks what it just read.
It begins to dawn on you from somewhere around the fringes of your awareness that you must be looking at the storefront… of the Twilight Zone.