Monthly Archives: May 2011

The One Where Hammy is Emotionally Scarred for Life

Over the Hedge

There, there Hammy.  Let’s put a little aloe vera on that emotional boo-boo and you’ll be all better.

Verne is so mean.

3 Comments

Filed under Comic Commentary

Top Five Reasons You Shouldn’t Wear Glass Underwear

Over the Hedge

Top Five Reasons You Shouldn’t Wear Glass Underwear

5. Always fogging up.

4. Not machine washable.

3. Wedgies often fatal.

2. Thong version can chafe.

1.  Just not sexy.

Leave a comment

Filed under Comic Commentary

Zinging in the Rain

Over the Hedge

My entire contribution to today’s cartoon was, “Raining.  Hammy dodges  raindrops.  Storm ends.  Hammy’s dry.   RJ wet:  “Show off.”  T laboriously (and expertly)  drew the rest.

Decades in development.  Two seconds to write.

“…and the most amazing thing of all is I get paid for doing this.”

2 Comments

Filed under Comic Commentary

Top Five Reasons Tattoos Are a Bad Idea

Over the Hedge

Top Five Reasons Tattoos Are a Bad Idea

5.  A flaming vampire hamster on your back does not distract from your acne scars.

4.  “Bob Forever” is very difficult to change into “Bogoslav Forever”

3.  That Chinese character on your ankle actually means, “Toenail Merchant”

2.  In 2054 when your butt sags to your knees, those Rolling Stone lips will look like a clown vagina.

1.  They make God sad.

1 Comment

Filed under Comic Commentary

Shangri-oo-la-la!

Over the Hedge

For Immediate Occupancy:  Spank your inner Lady Gaga with this stunning turreted Tudor and Beach themed hideaway with flaming moat/s’mores grill, worker’s quarters, master of her domain bedroom with spacious walk-in dungeon. Includes miles of hidden passageways for easy escapes and/or coordinated attacks on invading suburbanites.   Builder terms available.  Not a foreclosure.

Yet.

Leave a comment

Filed under Comic Commentary

Plot Threads R Us

Over the Hedge

Some wag over at comics.com said that Discarded Plot Threads box should be a lot bigger.

Actually, the box opens into a secret underground storage facility the size of Manhattan.  An army of of blind, hairless mice catalog tens of thousands of errant, hopeless, dead-end, nonsensical, profane and ridiculously complicated plot threads.   From Vlad Raptor’s Attractiveness Deficit Disorder Seminars to Verne Crashes Obama’s Inauguration In Hopes of Becoming First Pet.   It’s a treasure trove of misguided notions and last-second-on-deadline-non sequiturs.  And an Ant Farm.

Thanks, hairless, blind mice for a job well done.  Now back to work, before I ship the whole operation to Bangalore.*

*I’ve found that hairless, blind mice respond well to veiled threats of outsourcing.

1 Comment

Filed under Comic Commentary

Attention: Smeagol Sweat to the Main Stage

Over the Hedge

I saw Smeagol Sweat at the Duluth Middle Earth Metal Fest in ’03.   Lead pan flutist Bjorn Mourn was in rare form as he improvised his way through a jam versions of, “Ent Chipper” and “Sauron’s Conjunctivitus.”   It would have been an all time performance high for SS had not the 1/20th scale model of Shelob fallen and crushed the tambourinist Giles Nibbly.   The site of a motionless hand gripping a tambourine from under an upside down 700 pound metal spider said it all about Giles and SS’s future prospects.

Dead and deader.

2 Comments

Filed under Comic Commentary