Hammy Keeps Austin Weird

Technically, I live about 20 miles south of Austin near Buda.   And I work at home.  I don’t have to deal with Austin traffic or Austin hipsters-than-thou (pretty much everyone is hipster-than-thou these days).

So, my Austin is the Austin of my college days at UT.  Dancing in the sand to reggae at Liberty Lunch.  Swimming at an uncrowded Barton Springs.   Cheap steaks at Another Raw Deal.   Too many Shiner Bochs at The Hole in the Wall.  And the first few Eyeore’s Birthday Parties in Pease Park.

Most of the places and events are still around, but it’s not the same.   It’s more crowded, less interesting and less Austin.

Ultimately, everyone can’t be a nonconformist like everyone else.

But it’s still cooler (not COOLER) than anywhere else in Texas.   And it’s probably the only place you’ll find a small squirrel in a drum circle banging a coffee can with a spatula  in celebration of a clinically depressed donkey.

Bang on, Hammy.  Bang on, Austin.

 

A Squirrel of Good Cheer

The college football season approacheth.  My Texas Longhorns embark on a season of rediscovery.

Rediscovering winning.

I could say they can hardly do worse than last year (5-7), but I won’t.  Texas suffers from entitlement.  They have more money, better facilities and the best recruits in the state.  They should win every game.  But they don’t.  Why?

Because you can’t hunger for victory if you’re stuffed with just deserts.*

(*And yes, I spelled deserts correctly:   http://www.snopes.com/language/notthink/deserts.asp)

Life Coach Hammy

T has placed Verne in a strategically awkward position in the final panel given the load RJ is taking on. I wonder if this is his sub-conscious way of telling me what he thinks of this strip.

I could ask him, but then I’d have to call him or write him an e-mail.  It’s much easier for me to just assume he’s dissing me than to actually check.

Paranoia is a dish best served when dining alone.

“Sunflowers” by Hammy Van Gogh (Butterfly Brush)

Just a beautiful job by T.

Gorgeous.

 

Top 5 Reasons Not to Release Balloon Animals Into the Wild

5.  Threat to aviation.

4.  Can’t hunt helium on their own.

3.  May be mistaken for UFO’s causing widespread docu-dramas on The History Channel.

2.  May join forces with escaped inflatable gorillas and take over the world.

1.  The wild’s really spiky.

Verne Survives Attack by Shelter Balloon Tapeworm

Verne, the doormat turtle co-star of the moderately successful syndicated comic “Over the Hedge” was attacked today at Hammy’s Balloon Animal Shelter by a balloon tapeworm   Hammy, along with RJ, witnessed the attack.   “It was all Verne’s fault.  There are no bad tapeworms.  There are only bad owners.  Verne must have been training him for his tapeworm fighting ring.” said RJ.   Hammy added, “Jeepers!”

Verne is resting comfortably on a hollow log and has regained his ability to whine.  His spokesman, Fred the Woodtick, read from a prepared statement, “Verne regrets this tragic incident.  He assures everyone that he did not intend to provoke the balloon tapeworm when he wrapped it around his neck and started cooing, “I’ve Got You Under My Skin.”  He had no way of knowing balloon tapeworms naturally constrict to the sounds of Cole Porter.  He was not, as erroneously reported, training the balloon tapeworm to fight.  He wants everyone to know he in no way condones the practice of tapeworm fighting.  He respects the right of all balloon tapeworms to live a life free from violence and abuse.”

Meanwhile, Ned Hinkle, head of People For the Ethical Treatment of Balloon Animals (PETBA) called for Verne to be arrested for cruelty to balloon animals.  “Throw the book at him.  A big book.  One of the library dictionaries would be good,” said Hinkle.

Local authorities are investigating the matter and have declined comment.

Calls to Michael Vick were not returned.

Violent Youth In Asia

Is it me or are Hammy’s eyes getting bigger?   As if we could make him more infantile. Pretty soon he’ll be like some Japanese character:  just two huge eyes and a tail.

Hello Hammy.

<cue rim shot>

How To Make a Balloon Descending Coronary Artery

As usual, I forgot we posted the blog address in the strip today to prompt everyone to learn how to make your own balloon animals.  I’m sorry to report I couldn’t find anything on making balloon animals, but I did find this fascinating video on how to make a balloon descending coronary artery (i.e. frog).

Enjoy.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Real Reason There Are Sad Clowns

I like today’s strip.  So I won’t muck it up with a lot of superfluous annotation.

You’re welcome.

Don’t Feed the Giggle-Whore

Oh, God this is just too ?!@#!!! cute!  See what you’ve reduced me to? Shameless pandering to the warmest and fuzziest common denominator.   And for what?  An errant chuckle?  A wan smile.  A stifled giggle?

That’s right.  My name is Mike and I’m a giggle-whore.

And it’s all your fault.  You made me this way with your constant demands to be entertained in a family-friendly-comic-page-stuck-in-the-1950′s-way.   You MONSTERS!

Are you happy now?  Are you?  ARE YOU?

Of course not.  You’ll never be happy until I’ve destroyed myself.  But I won’t give you the satisfaction.  You’ll see. I’ll show you. I’ll resist temptation.  I’ll rise above.  I’ll become the cartoonist I was always meant to be.  I’ll become…

… SLIGHTLY LESS CLOYING AND CRINGE INDUCING!!

And….  Scene.

This has been another episode of Melodrama Cartoon Theater staring myself as The Mental Patient.

Thank you and good evening.