The One With Variable Comic Strip Panel Integrity

Memo

To:   All Over the Hedge Characters (Except Verne):

Re:  Panel Integrity

Be advised that today’s strip will feature panels with variable structural integrity.  Panels may or may not break, bend or give way altogether depending on punchline necessity.

Do NOT share with Verne.

Sincerely,

Management.

Spleen! Spleen! Spleen!

One spleen: not funny.

Two spleens: sorta funny, but not really.

Three spleens:  comedy combustion.

Four spleens:  shut up already about the spleens.

 

Twinkies and Queso: Breakfast of Champions

This…

plus this…

equals this…

Yum.

 

The One Written By My Subconscious

I swear when I wrote this, I was just trying to come up someplace weird for the guy to end up.  I wasn’t thinking the GPS/Google/Skynet Map App lead the guy on top of the grill to destroy him in flames.   Which is much funnier than the main gag.

Obviously, my subconscious mind is much, much cleverer than my conscious mind.  This poses a serious problem.  Should my subconscious start writing the strip and prove successful, it might take over other parts of my life….

“I’m sorry honey,  I didn’t spend our life savings on hookers and cocaine, my subconscious did.”

See.  Being a cartoonist is a lot harder than it looks.

The One With the Terminator Lawnmower

What’s Singularity you ask?  From Wikipedia:

Technological singularity refers to the hypothetical future emergence of greater-than human intelligence through technological means. Since the capabilities of such an intelligence would be difficult for an unaided human mind to comprehend, the occurrence of technological singularity is seen as an intellectual event horizon, beyond which the future becomes difficult to understand or predict. Nevertheless, proponents of the singularity typically anticipate such an event to precede an “intelligence explosion”, wherein superintelligences design successive generations of increasingly powerful minds. The term was coined by science fiction writer Vernor Vinge, who argues that artificial intelligence, human biological enhancement or brain-computer interfaces could be possible causes for the singularity. The concept is popularized by futurists like Ray Kurzweil and is expected by proponents to occur in the mid-21st century.

Basically, singularity is that moment when artificial intelligence exceeds human intelligence.  Moore’s Law (the number of transistors on an integrated circuit doubles every two years) suggests that Singularity could occur as early as 2028.

One application of Singularity is the prospect of downloading human consciousness into a machine and thus creating a hybrid hyper intelligent species known as…

…Lawnboy:   Rise of the Planet of the Mulching Minds.

 

 

 

Miracles and Curses and Oboes, Oh My!

That may be a clarinet RJ’s playing, but I’ve decided it’s an oboe.  Oboe’s just a funnier instrument.  Fun to say and fun to play.  And hard to play. Really, really hard to play.

Double reeds and all that.

And now more oboe jokes than you ever thought existed…
What is the definition of a minor second?
Two oboes playing in unison.

What is the definition of a half step?
Two oboes playing in unison.

How do you get an oboist to play A flat?
Take the batteries out of his electric tuner.

Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get away from the oboe recital.

What’s the difference between a SCUD missile and a bad oboist?
A bad oboist can kill you.

How many oboe players does it take to change a lightbulb?
Only one but he’ll go through 30 to 40 bulbs to find the best one.

What do you call perfect pitch in an oboe?
In the dumpster without hitting the side.

There was a band directer who had a gun with two bullets there was a bad oboe player, trumpet player, and bassoon player. who did he shoot?
The oboe player- twice, just to make sure.

What’s the difference between an oboe and an onion?
You don’t cry when you’re cutting up the oboe ….

The 23rd Sign of the Apocylapse

When unemployed small furry mammals get a credit card.

 

Top 5 Voices Inside My Head

We all hear voices in our head.  But who’s voice?   Here’s the top 5 voices in my head:

5.  Christopher Walken:   “Life is short.  Waste it online.”

4.  Sean Connery:  “Get the ?!@#!! back to work you lazy sod”

3.  Connie Britton:  “Of course gray ear hair is sexy!

2. Yogi Bear:  “GET ME THE ?@#$!! OUT OF THIS HEAD”

1.  Mom:  “I love you.  Now get the ?!@#!! back to work you lazy sod!”

 

Elizabeth Warren On The Social Contract

 

I’m really liking her.   Warren for President in 2016?

The Hammy Prime Directive

Like Star Trek, we at Over the Hedge have our own prime directive:  The Hammy Prime Directive.

As the right of Hammy to live in accordance with his natural innocence is considered sacred, no Over the Hedge character may interfere with the normal and healthy development of Hammy. Such interference includes introducing superior knowledge, strength, or facts of life to a squirrel who is incapable of handling such advantages without turning all wiggly. Over the Hedge characters may not violate this Prime Directive, even to save a punchline/or avoid embarrassment or humiliation (we’re talking to you Verne!).

So say us all.