Best If Read By Tuesday

All Cartoon characters go to heaven.

Except for the girls in Apt. 3G.

Good girls go to heaven.

Bad girls go everywhere.

 

Fast, Furry and Out of Control

When you’ve written yourself up a tree and the tree’s on fire and the natives are shooting poison darts and the vampire scorpion on your neck is getting really thirsty and the asteroid the size of Texas with your name on it has just entered the atmosphere there’s only one thing you can do…

Play the Hammy card.

Hammy ex machina.

 

Rest In Pain

Is this is our Game of Thrones moment where we casually kill off the two main characters?

Maybe.

Probably not.

But you never know.

But you know.

Or do you?

<cue demonic snicker>

Zombie Breath

Do zombies brush their teeth? Do they need to? After all, they’re past the point of worrying about tooth decay. And besides, isn’t a minty-fresh zombie a contradiction in terms?

Welcome to my ADD addled brain at noon on Wednesday.  Watch your step. Wipe your feet and no, nobody here knows your name.

Cereal Killers

How effective really is a scythe for reaping souls?  Maybe for cutting, slicing or hacking souls. But reaping? Not so much.

Seems like a vacuum cleaner would be more practical. Like one of those rollerball Dysons with a soul sucking attachment.

SCHHHHHHMORK!*

*The sound a soul makes when it’s sucked into a rollerball Dyson using the soul sucking attachment.

Why You Should Never Ever Click on Spine-Enhancement Ads

You want a firmer, straiter, stiffer, longer lasting spine?

Stand up straight!

 

Death Skips a Holiday

Public Service Announcement:

Cocktail Onions are used to make a Gibson

• 2 1/2 oz gin
• 1/2 oz dry vermouth
• Garnish with a cocktail onion

It’s a wet martini with an onion instead of an olive or a twist.

I’ve made a couple Gibsons back in bartender days, but never had one.  Or maybe I’ve had several and don’t remember. Entirely possible.

Now you know what a cocktail onion is!

You’re welcome.

Killer Irony

I think this is the second time we’ve killed RJ. I think. Verne shot him once. But maybe he didn’t die that time. A couple years ago I vaguely remember him going to vet for some reason. He might have died. I don’t remember.

Someone should inventory these things.  Not me, of course. I have more important things to do. Like, repeatedly killing one of our main characters because I forgot I’d maybe already done it before.

Writing a comic strip is harder than it looks.

Or maybe I just make it hard.

The One With a Swiss Army Scythe

Hard to tell from the drawing, but my money’s on Death holding a Swiss Army scythe. He’d need multiple tools to carry out his duties – if only to extricate clingy souls from their mortal bodies.  A scythe will only get you so far. For those of us hell bent on staying out of hell (or heaven) your going to need a bottle opener, or scissors, or maybe an awl to loosen our grip on reality.

I’ve now exhausted this discursive trail to nowhere and will now stop.

Have a nice day.

Courage.

 

 

RJ Invents the Sugar Bong

Kids, don’t even think of trying this at home. You will die. Dead, dead. Not breathing dead. Starting to smell dead. Food for the worms dead.

DEAD!

There. I am now absolved of all responsibility.