Chain Saw Diplomacy

Chain saw wielding fire ants led by a drag queen.

Over the Hedge:  Writing ourselves out on the slimmest thread of a  limb since 1995

Lady Za Za

El Rancho Camelot is the place to be.
Suburban livin’ is the life for me.
Minivans spreadin’ out so far and wide
Keep Manhattan, just give me that TV Guide.

New York is where I’d thought I’d stay.
But I’m allergic to the Great White Way.
I just adore a tract house view.
Dah-ling I love this you can have Park Avenue.

…Walmart!
…Golf carts!
…Twinkies!
…No extended pinkies!

Hello, mild-life!
Good bye, city life.
Suburbia we are here!

For She’s a Jolly Good Fire Ant Drag Queen…

I’ve actually been to Bentonville and met with WalMart excutives about RingTales back when we were first getting started.  We were trying to get our animations on their in store TV network.  We didn’t succeed, but it was worth going for the experience of seeing one of the largest corporations in the world up close.   My take away was that they were trying awfully hard to pretend they weren’t one of the largest corporations in the world.  The culture had,  “an authoritative lack of pretentiousness.”  As though each executive was wired with a device that shocked them if they spent more than $15 on a haircut or wore anything other than a suit from Men’s Warehouse (even Walmart doesn’t expect its execs to shop at WalMart).

But that was five years ago.  I suspect things have changed.  WalMart is sporting quite a green facade these days.   They build more energy efficient stores.  They recently mandated a significant reduction in packaging materials from their suppliers.   And they’ve dropped the hyphen in their name.  That single hyphen in all WalMart advertisment and promotional materials saves 76,000 trees each year.

Not really.  I just made that tree saving thing up.   But it probably saves a few trees.  And that’s a good thing.  I guess.

WalMart isn’t the worst thing in the world.  It saves a lot of people a lot of money on stuff they need and they think they need.  I just wish they’d open more checkout stands and keep the Over the Hedge DVD out of the bargain bin.

Yeah, that’s me at the Buda, TX store that keeps swapping price tags between the Hedge DVD and the Cars DVD.   I don’t make any more royalties, I just really didn’t like Cars.

Top 5 Reasons Walmart Never Has Enough Checkout Aisles Open

5.  Checker shortage due to alien abductions of low-skilled labor to work in their unobtanium mines.

4.  If no one had to wait, no one would ever buy the five pound bags of Skittles that line the checkout aisles.

3.  Travis, the manager, really, really regrets his liberal arts degree and he’s taking it out on you.

2.  They were going to man every checkout aisle with trained lemurs, but the lemurs unionized.  No more lemurs.

1.  No pain, no Gain*

*Gain Hawaiian Aloha Detergent With Febreze Freshness:  $14.97

Fire Ants With Chainsaws

Fire ants. Wal-Mart.  Drag Queen.  Chainsaws. Todd, the nonjudgmental greeter.

What could possibly go wrong?

Don’t Be a Drag, Just Be a Drag Queen Fire Ant

I’m pretty sure Izzy is the world’s first drag queen fire ant in the history of the comics.   It’ll be a sign of the times whether this is met with a collective yawn or indignant howls from  the NAHO (National Association of the Hysterically Offended).   I’m fairly certain GLTGIA (Gay Lesbian Trans-Gendered Insect Alliance) has a sense of humor.   At least I hope so.

And no, I don’t know where Izzy got those tiny fruit for his/her Carmen Miranda hat.   Perhaps The Local Organic Free Range Tiny Fruit Co-Op where all fruit are picked by the natural laws of the Universe.*

*Gravity.**

**Some bruising may occur.

A Whiff of Velveeta and Resignation

I’ve always said you can’t have enough fire ant drag queens in your comic strip and now I’ve put the character where my mouth is.

Or something like that.

Over the Hedge:  An Equal Opportunity Offender Since 1995.