Deep in the Flesh of Texas

The ants that bite are red and bright
Chomp-Chomp-Chomp-Chomp
Deep in the flesh of Texas

The prairie mounds – are wide and high
Chomp-Chomp-Chomp-Chomp
Deep in the flesh of Texas.

Rick Perry shoots – and hits his boot
Chomp-Chomp-Chomp-Chomp!
Deep in the flesh of Texas.

And now he limps -  like a wimp
Chomp-Chomp-Chomp-Chomp
Deep in the flesh of Texas

Top Five Reasons You Don’t Want to Play Chess with Izzy

5.  If she captures you she makes you do the Humpty Dance.

4.  Her pawns mock you with, “Red Rover, Red Rover, send Loser right over.”

3.  She gets glitter all over the board.

2  Her knights aren’t board-broken.

1.  She NEVER loses.

Dance, Squirrel Monkey, Dance

 

Some nice work by T on this one.  The last two panels are just swell.

We are amused.  We are very amused.

(note:  I’m having to download each strip off gocomics.com and you’ll notice the Sunday now comes with its detachable header  at the top -  which, as you can see, was drawn in 1995 when Verne was some sort of stink bug or giant slug.)

Top Five Reasons Tattoos Are a Bad Idea

Top Five Reasons Tattoos Are a Bad Idea

5.  A flaming vampire hamster on your back does not distract from your acne scars.

4.  “Bob Forever” is very difficult to change into “Bogoslav Forever”

3.  That Chinese character on your ankle actually means, “Toenail Merchant”

2.  In 2054 when your butt sags to your knees, those Rolling Stone lips will look like a clown vagina.

1.  They make God sad.

Plot Threads R Us

Some wag over at comics.com said that Discarded Plot Threads box should be a lot bigger.

Actually, the box opens into a secret underground storage facility the size of Manhattan.  An army of of blind, hairless mice catalog tens of thousands of errant, hopeless, dead-end, nonsensical, profane and ridiculously complicated plot threads.   From Vlad Raptor’s Attractiveness Deficit Disorder Seminars to Verne Crashes Obama’s Inauguration In Hopes of Becoming First Pet.   It’s a treasure trove of misguided notions and last-second-on-deadline-non sequiturs.  And an Ant Farm.

Thanks, hairless, blind mice for a job well done.  Now back to work, before I ship the whole operation to Bangalore.*

*I’ve found that hairless, blind mice respond well to veiled threats of outsourcing.

Top Five Things You Should Never Wear Under a Utilikilt

Top Five Things You Should Never Wear Under a Utilikilt

5.   He-Man Briefs (Size: Husky).

4.   The Bat Thong.

3.   Depends.

2.   A Full Moon.

1.   Delusions of Grandeur.

The Tramps in Apartment 3G

Top  Five Trampy Things the Girls in Apartment 3G Do:

5.  Use each other’s lip glossed lips as a mirror.

4.  Carry hand stamps with their phone numbers on it.

3.  Fake tattoo eyebrows

2.  Wear pajama jeans with crocs after Labor Day

1.  Sleep with Rex Morgan MD*

*(all of them).

Fire Ant Moulin Rouge

Verne’s shell was supposed to be converted into a fire ant Moulin Rogue. With a sign that says, you know: Moulin Rogue.  I guess T thought it would be obvious?   I’ve got to get ahead and get us back to doing roughs.

I like Verne’ dressed ironically in a box of Lucky Charms (the real definition of irony not the Alanis Morissette one).

Queen Up on Aisle 32

Yeah, I used the title pun as a gag in yesterday’s blog post.  And I think it’s a joke in one of this week’s cartoons.  But I’ve improved it.  Really.  32 is much funnier than 9.  And I have proof.

Mel Brooks started out as a writer in early television on Sid Ceasar’s “Your Show of Shows along with later star scribes such as Neil Simon, Danny Simon, Mel Tolkin, and Carl Reiner.  One day they were writing a skit that called for an elevator operator (Imogene Coca) to announce the floor in a department store when the elevator doors opened.  But what floor number.  What is the funniest number.  Mel, somewhat arrogantly, announced that 32 is the funniest number.  The other writers were less sure.  How could Mel possibly know?  But Mel was certain.  And to prove it he had Imogene Coca come into the writers and recite different floor numbers.   Ten.  Seventeen.  Twenty-three.  Twenty-nine.  And finally, as only Imogene Coca could say, “Terdy-do!”  Everyone laughed.  Mel was right.

32 is the funniest number.

Q.E.D.