Or Over the Hedge.
Tag Archives: future
We’ve done several “universal remote” gags over the years. Way before that forgettable Adam Sandler movie. We were fast forwarding and rewinding time and space before it was cool. And after. And now that it’s cool again.*
This reminds me of the time we got our first DVR and we were watching live TV and one of my daughters (she was pretty young at the time) asked why we couldn’t skip through the commercials. I said, “Because they haven’t happened yet. We can’t fast forward into the future.”
It’s a funny story and we still tease her about it, but the truth is we live in a time shifted culture where past, present and future get jumbled up into a squishy reality where one night Clint Eastwood talks to an empty chair…
The next night the empty chair talks back…
And now Clint is set to remake Every Which Way But Loose staring opposite the empty chair.**
If you missed Clint live, you can rewind and re-watch or just skip the actual event and fast forward to events that never took place or may take place in an alternate reality of your choosing.***
Maybe as RJ and Hammy imply, the laws of physics really are just suggestions.
Wouldn’t it be nice if we were older
Then we wouldn’t have to wait so long
And wouldn’t it be nice to live together
In the kind of world where we belong.****
*Because I say so
**Should be true, but isn’t.
***Not the one where Clint and the empty chair remake Unforgiven. That would be wrong.
****Where you can fast forward through commercials that haven’t happened yet.
Pay attention. There will be a test at the end for 20% of your grade.
1. Future Verne goes back in time 11 days to just BEFORE future RJ, Hammy and Larry arrive back.
2. He meets past RJ, Hammy, Larry AND PAST VERNE (T left this part out).
3. Future Verne continues in time machine to ANYWHERE in time.
4. Future Verne destroys time machine.
Now there are TWO Vernes annoying (and apparently being worshiped by) others in two different time lines.
Make sense? No?
“People assume that time is a strict progression of cause to effect, but *actually* from a non-linear, non-subjective viewpoint – it’s more like a big ball of wibbly wobbly… time-y wimey… stuff.”
― Steven Moffat, writer, executive producer of “Dr. Who”
“His older self had taught his younger self a language which the older self knew because the younger self, after being taught, grew up to be the older self and was, therefore, capable of teaching.”
― Robert A. Heinlein
I apologize for today’s headline. Just trying to do a little SEO with a puerile hook.
If you’ve been hooked, welcome. We’ve got plenty more low-brow nonsense where this one came from.
If you feel baited and switched, no problem. We’ve always had a catch and release policy around here. Because everyone knows that if you want someone to come back to you…
You have to hook them with false pretensions, yank them gasping onto the shore, then rip them off the hook and throw them back, bleeding and weakened to be hooked by some other devious fisher-of-views.
Or something like that.
5. He’ll see he’s doesn’t have a chewy nougat center
4. He’ll see that Verne has a bumper pool table in his shell he keeps to himself.
3. He’ll see that all RJ’s blood has been replaced with a mixture of Crisco and cream filling.
2. He’ll see reality.
1. He’ll see reality is wearing a belt and suspenders and still can’t keep its pants up.
Commenting on wacky human foibles? Been there, done that. A LOT!
Radioactive twinkles from the future that bestow super powers? Never been there, never done that.
And that, in a nutshell, is why I write these random, aimless, silly, story lines.
Also, you like them. Views, comments, Facebook reach, tweets and retweets all go up when we do these things. I’m just giving you what you want. Even if you don’t know you want it.
I’m only thinking of you.
Right after I think of me.