All Births Final

Sorry for the late post. Busy doing school signings for Odd Squad in Chicago.  Exhausting, but fun.  Kids are surprisingly tolerant of rambling cartoonists.

 

Doll House Confidential

What goes on behind closed doll house doors stays behind closed doll house doors.

Live Free Or Cuddle

Teddy Bears are soldiers in a war against really short terrorists.  They deserve the thanks and support of a grateful nation of parents. A-men.

In other news: Hostess To Stop Making Twinkies!!

For those of you tweeting, commenting and e-mailing for RJ’s painful, gut shot response, remember the earliest we could comment in the strip would be in three weeks.  Also, we did a long story line on the same subject earlier this year, or maybe last year, or the year before.  I don’t know, they all run together.  Anyway, Twinkies is such a well known brand that I feel sure another snack cake company will pick it up.

For RJ’s sake, let’s all hope so.

The Odd Squad: Bully Bait Cover

Behold the official, double super secret probation cover for my middle school illustrated novel, The Odd Squad:  Bully Bait (Disney-Hyperion).  It’s Due on book shelves (both real and virtual) February 12, 2013.   I got the Advance Review Copy last night and it looks pretty sweet.   It has weight and mass and occupies actual physical space.  In other words, it’s a real book!

It’s for ages 8-12.   And anyone who’s emotional development arrested in middle school.   Which includes me and I’m pretty sure most Hedge fans.

So, if you are a parent or a grandparent or a great grandparent or a librarian or a book store owner or a lover of Shakespeare spouting ex-hippie school janitor/mentors (you’ll see) please stay tuned.  We’ll be promoting more as we get closer to publication date.  In the meantime, I have to write Book 2.

It’s due September 15th.

Yikes.

 

Hug, Hug Me Do

No, “too-planned parenthood” is not some veiled comment on Planned Parenthood.

Unless you want it to be.  In which case, go ahead and ascribe whatever political motives you like.

Those of you who see subliminal subversion where it isn’t know you were going to do that anyway.

Top 5 Rejected Baby Foods

5. Banana and Eggplant

4. Mango and Braunschweiger

3. Kiwi and Beets

2. Oysters and Haggis

1. Peyote and Peas

 

Monsters Ick

Monsters have a stressful life that can result in gastrointestinal distress.  For example, children’s toes are not easily digested.  They may look like sweet, fat little marshmallows, but in reality they go down like leaden hush puppies.

 

Kids: Just In It For the Ice Cream

I love my two daughters.  And I’m sure they love me.  Well,… not sure. How can you be really sure. Who knows? Maybe they secretly despise me.

Maybe they’re bio-engineered robot skeleton invaders and I and millions of other parents have been unwittingly chosen to assimilate them into earth culture so that at a predetermined time they could attack us and rip out our spleens.

But probably not.

Top 5 Reasons Kids Are Mostly Parent Proof

5.  They bounce.

4.  Selective hearing.

3.  Grandparents.

2.  Idiot retardant

1.  Way, WAY smarter than they look.

The End of Fun

It’s a wonder I survived my childhood.

I almost drowned a couple of times.   Once, in the ocean off Laguna Beach in 1968, I got wiped out by a wave while body surfing and just didn’t come up…  for a long time.   Scared the shit out of me.

I never broke any limbs but I did taste bug spray once.  You know, just to see what it taste like.  It doesn’t taste good.

Thank you, evolution.

I never rode in a car seat.  I never wore a seat belt until I was in High School and driving on my own.   I never wore a helmet while riding a bike or skateboarding or tree climbing or getting the crap beat out of me by some huge 6th grader that didn’t like the way I tied my shoes.

Yet, I survived.  With some slight brain damage.  But I survived.

Of course, with my own girls I made them wear seat belts and helmets.   But, in the back of my mind, I wonder if they’re overly reliant on safety measures.   I know for a fact my oldest daughter will not eat anything that’s sat out overnight.  She quotes me chapter and verse on bacteria counts and mold colonies.  Me?  I know from vast experience that pizza doesn’t really go bad for at least three days.   How do I know this?  I’ve eaten four day old pizza.  And I’ve paid the price.

I learned from personal experience.  My kids learned from virtual experience.  I learned not to eat bug spray because it tastes bad.  They learned not to eat bug spray because,… well, because there was never a can of bug spray within three miles of them.

Now, I’m worried they’ll taste bug spray because they never got a chance to as kids.  Girls, please don’t taste bug spray.  It’s not a good idea.

Trust me.

I know.