Pants Optional

I asked my wife if we could put in a stripper pole in our bedroom.   She liked the idea, but made it clear she wasn’t picking up any clothes I took off.

<cue rim shot>.

Run Naked

Please don’t run naked.  Please.  Really.  No one wants to see that.  Please.

I used to run.  Until my knees, shins, hips and back couldn’t last more than a couple of miles.  No doubt running barefoot may have avoided these injuries.  And replaced them with cut, burned, blistered and bloodied feet.

Now I use a stationary bike.  I pedal to nowhere every morning while I watch The Dan Patrick Show on DirecTV.   I pedal barefoot.   And other than a sore butt, I’m doing fine so far.

So, what have we learned today, Timmy?

• No one should run naked.
• Running barefoot can be painful and messy.
• Sore butts may or may not be a consequence of pedaling barefoot.
• The Dan Patrick Show may or may not distract you from a sore butt.
• I really, really want that golf simulator in Dan Patrick’s man cave.

GO NETHERLANDS!