Heavenly Worries

I almost forgot to post today.  Weird.  The day just got away from me.

Someone on comics.com commented that it’s odd that Hammy would interpret bad news out of supposed good news.  But, actually, he’s reinterpreting something he doesn’t care about (Twinkies)  into something he does care about (fun).

No rain.  No game.

Interview With War Dog That Helped Take Down Osama

It came to light today that a dog accompanied the Navy Seals on the raid that killed Osama bin Laden.  After an exhaustive search I have located Puddles the War Dog and he agreed to the following exclusive interview.

Q:  Congratulations.

Puddles:  Thank you.

Q:  How does it feel to help take out the most wanted man in the world?

Puddles:  It feels good.

Q:  Good like a belly rub? Or good like a base of the tail scratch.

Puddles:  Good like I did my job and served my country.

Q:  What was your role in the raid?

Puddles:  I’m a bomb sniffer and I do video recon.

Q:  What do bombs smell like?

Puddles:  Asparagus.

Q:  Walk us through the raid.

Puddles:  We choppered in on three modified stealth Black Hawks, then we were lowered into the compound.  I sniffed the area for explosives.

Q:  Nothing?

Puddles:  No explosives, but there was an overpowering odor of unwashed socks, stale pizza and marijuana.

Q:  Osama a stoner?

Puddles:  I just know what I smell.

Q:  What happened next?

Puddles:  I peed on the side of the mansion.

Q:  Marking your territory?

Puddles:  No. I just had to pee.

Q:  Continue.

Puddles:  We secured the perimeter.   Then I entered the residence to do video recon.

Q:  You entered alone?

Puddles:  That’s my job.

Q:  Unarmed?

Puddles:  I can rip your throat out and bury it before your body hits the deck.

Q:  O-kay.  Then what happened?

Puddles;  I searched the premises and found the target in the upstairs bedroom.

Q:  bin Laden?  What was he doing?

Puddles:   Watching Seinfeld on a wide screen TV.

Q:  Seinfeld?

Puddles:  The Master of My Domain episode.

Q:   Did he see you?

Puddles:  No.  The Meatlover’s Supreme he was inhaling obscured his view.

Q:  Was he alone?

Puddles:   No.  There was a woman reading Atlas Shrugged looking confused and disoriented.

Q:  Did you attack?

Puddles:  No.  My orders were not to engage the target.  I waited for the Seal team.

Q:  It must have seemed like it took forever for the Seals to get there.

Puddles:  Not really.  I was able to take a short nap.

Q:  What happened when the Seals arrived?

Puddles:  The target was taking a hit off a bong when a dozen lasers sites converged on his head.  The woman screamed and dove behind the TV set.   The target slowly turned and exhaled.

Q:  You had orders to shoot on site?

Puddles:  No.  If he surrendered, we would take him alive.

Q:  He didn’t surrender.

Puddles:  He threw bong water at us.

Q:  A clear act of resistance.

Puddles:  Twelve simultaneous kill shots right above the left eye.

Q:  So, that’s why we won’t be seeing any pictures.

Puddles:  The target was  eliminated.   The mission, a success.

Q:  Did you get a treat?

Puddles:   A little liverwurst wrapped in cheese.  But I would have done it for nothing.

Q:  You’re an American hero.

Puddles:  I’m not a hero.  I just do my job.

Q:  To protect our freedoms.

Puddles:  And for treats.