Top 5 Possible Signs of Life on Mars

 

5.  The video image of a six-fingered tentacle-like hand begging a tip after washing the rover’s windshield.

4.  An overturned trash can surrounded by scattered litter at a Mars Rest Stop.

3.  Random low-flying Mars police helicopter with search light.

2.  ”Does Advertising Work?  It Just Did.” billboards

1.  You can’t throw a rock without hitting three Starbucks (Mars gravity).

Top 5 Reasons Not To Return To the Wild

 

5.  Starbucks more than 50 yards apart.

4.  Manual only bidets

3.  One night light (variable intensity)

2.  Last in, first starving.

1.  Open 24/7 to predators everywhere

Hammigami

Mo’ beta’ meta!

Nicely done by T.   That venti chi latte is bigger than RJ’s head.

Starbucks is Nowhere

If Starbucks is everywhere it makes sense it’d be nowhere as well.

For a cool cosmological comment thread (our biggest ever) on yesterday’s cartoon head over to gocomics.com

Yadda, Yadda, Nada, Yuktatta

Today’s cartoon is what we in the industry (and by industry I mean business, and by business I mean, show business) call a “bridge.”  A bridge is our technical term for, “We have no joke, but we have to push the storyline along.”  “Uh-oh,” does not a punch line make.   At best, it’s a barely marginal dramatic tease for the hilarity to come — tomorrow, or maybe the day after, or maybe…

…never.

You can’t win the lottery if you don’t play.  And you can’t find out if we’ve turned into “Mary Worth Meets Mark Trail to Help Hammy Give Dating Advice to the Girls in Apartment 3-G” if you don’t keep reading.*

Over the Hedge:  Hand waving our way past awkward unfunny narrative transitions since 1995.

*Never tear a hole in the fabric of the universe on the first date.

Starbucks is Bad for Squirrels and Other Living Things

Starbucks has always displayed a kind of arrogant evil genius by charging $4 for a long standing consumer staple that used to be 50 cents.  Sure the coffee is better.  But is it THAT much better?   And as we can see in today’s cartoon… in the wrong furry little hands Starbucks could threaten our very existence.   I think Starbucks needs a new warning label.

Warning:  The beverage you are about to enjoy is very hot.  And heavily caffeinated.  Keep out of reach of wacky squirrels.  Not responsible for alterations in the space/time continuum.  Any misuse or re-misuse is expressly forbidden without the expressed written permission of Major League Dodge Ball.   Tip your waiters.  I’ll be here all week.  Try the veal.

Go giants.

Fire Greg Davis.

And don’t forget to vote tomorrow.

Early and often.

 

Hitler Rants About the Gulf Oil Spill.

I love these Hitler rants.  Let’s suggest a few more…

Hitler rants about the incompetent referee in the US vs. Slovenia World Cup MatchHitler rants about Betty White’s resurgent popularityHitler rants about Starbucks instant coffee ViaHitler rants about Southwest Airlines no assigned seating policyHitler rants about Justin Beiber’s hair
And so on…

Furry Zombies

Zombies are funny.  They just are.  Hard to take a zombie seriously, no matter how much he wants to eat your brains. You see a zombie coming toward you in Starbucks, eyes glazed over like Ben Rothlisberger at a sorority mixer, arms outstretched grasping for a synaptic snack and you think, “Really?  REALLY?!”  

You easily side-step him (zombies have poor motor skills) and then blow his head off with the grenade launcher you got a carry permit for just last week (don’t mess with Texas).   It’s then that you realize that was no zombie.  That was Ken from the cubicle next door and he just hadn’t had his Chai Tea yet.  

Oops.