Greetings…

Mama mama can’t you see,
What the wild’s done to me.

Yanked me out of paradise,
Dropped me down in a bed of lice.

Mama mama can’t you see,
What the wild’s done to me.

They took away my cracker jacks,
now I’m eatin’ bark for snacks.

Mama mama can’t you see,
what the wild’s done to me.

I use to sleep way past noon,
Now I’m up with the moon.

Mama mama can’t you see,
what the wild’s done to me.

I use to walk without a care
Now I run from ten bears.

The One With A Man In Black (And a Happy Face Tie)

Common sense is a controlled substance? Controlled by whom?  Or what?  Wouldn’t you want as much common sense as possible?  Can there be such a thing as too much common sense? Why am I asking these questions?  Didn’t I write this in the first place? What was I thinking?  Was I thinking?  Am I able to think? What is the process by which I think? Does it involve controlled substances? Which controlled substances? Is it gin? How much gin?  Too much gin?  Too little gin? Just the right amount of gin? And one last question:…

Where can I buy a happy face tie?

 

What Do Ebola, Peppermint Schnapps and Chihuahuas Have in Common?

My theory on chihuahuas is they’re 100 pounds of dog in a five pound package and they’re really, really pissed off about it. Our dog Jack is a pit bull and I wouldn’t bet two cents on him in a ring with a chihuahua. I could really get behind an anti-immigration policy that sends chihuahuas straight back to where they came from.  Straight back to Hell.

Nasty, cruel things come in tiny packages.

Like ebola and peppermint schnapps.

And chihuahuas.

 

Mother Nature LLC

I like that Mother Nature LLC is headquartered in a strip mall. I imagine that’s an Auto Zone or a Radio Shack next door.  In fact, I think I’ve driven by there on North Lamar in Austin.  There’s three used car lots on that block and an ancient Albertson’s grocery store across the street.

They paved paradise and put up a Dollar Store.

 

The Caller ID of the Wild

 

The One With Pot Tarts®

Pot Tarts could be the perfect food — both creating AND feeding the munchies in one slim fruit filled heaven sent snack.

The more you eat, the MORE you eat.

 

Pot Tarts®  ©2012 Michael Fry, Patent Pending

 

Hold the Mold

Is mold really bad to eat? I get that it’s gross. But if you’ve got a spec of mold on a piece of bread and you eat it will you die?  Like my wife, my mom and every woman on Earth has always told me will happen.  Let’s go to the intertubes:

And the answer is:

No.  Well, no but, maybe. Well, no but, maybe if you’re allergic.  And then you could die.  Although there’s no reported case of anyone dying from bread mold.

I’m still alive so I’m going to choose to continue to do what I’ve always done which is not worry about it. At least until I fall over dead.

And then I’ll probably stop.

 

Elvis Has Left the Suburbs

 

Great work by T. Stellar final panel.

Guess Who’s Coming for Dinner

 

Verne is a bottle blonde?  He’s got three hairs!

Who writes this stuff?

Top 5 Reasons Not To Return To the Wild

 

5.  Starbucks more than 50 yards apart.

4.  Manual only bidets

3.  One night light (variable intensity)

2.  Last in, first starving.

1.  Open 24/7 to predators everywhere