Annoyingly Irritating

If the Tree That Knows Stuff fell on our heroes and EVERYONE saw it, did it happen?

I’m guessing no.

Cold Toes, Warm Bark

Awwwwww.

I’m getting sentimental and downright squee-ful in my old age. Cynicism and sarcasm are always the first to go.  Followed quickly on stage by multi-chins, gut spillage and butt sag.  And before you know it…

There go the pants.

The Cow Bell Tolls For Thee

I do a decent Christopher Walken impression (along with half of the planet).  Some day I’ll screw up the courage and post a video.  Not today.  Today I have more important things to do:

1. Check Odd Squad Goodreads.com reviews

2. Check Odd Squad Amazon ranking

3. Search Google for Odd Squad mentions

4. Think about writing week of Hedge

5. Repeat.

A Microwave is Not a Dryer

Or a hard boiled egg maker. Trust me. I know.

You can hard boil an egg in a microwave, but variations in shell thickness and yolk consistency don’t lend themselves to a consistent cooking time. 

Also, my wife chimes in that it’s not very cost effective.

Of course, she and I value fun quite differently.

Top 5 Reasons Not to Wear Skinny Jeans.

 

5.  Gut Spillage

4.  Crack Seepage

3.  Numb Nads

2. Visible Vein Lines

1.  Camel Foot

Trivial Pursuit

There are no stupid questions.  Only stupid questioners.

Top 5 Wastes of Gravity

5.  Falling on two idiots.

4.  Keeping Chris Brown from flying into space.

3.  Drying wet socks by throwing them off the Empire State Building

2.  Base jumping off the couch

1.  Keeping dog ears from floating freely

Top 5 Uses for RJ’s Brain

5.   Plus one to National Cartoonist’s Convention

4.   Twinkie taster

3.   Sushi table

2.  Dust bunny magnet

1.   Loofah

(note:  In transitioning over to gocomics.com today somehow Hedge has lost all it’s color.  Shock, I suspect.  The color should return after a few days of acclamation and after Lio squid stops marking his territory all over The Tree That Knows Stuff.)

Mole People Suck

Those little sweat beads flying off Hammy are called swiddles, or swattles, or maybe splattles.

Or maybe it’s blood splatter from T repeatedly jamming his pen in his forehead from having to draw so many squirrel legs.

Blood splatter it is then.

Live Nude Turtle

Verne has a no-nudity clause in his contract*

*Unless it’s integral to his part.**

**His part being defined as an ongoing object of ridicule and derision through all means necessary including, but not limited to: tripping, falling, running into things, being called, “nose face,” “mold boy” and “slug-thingy,” wedgies, spontaneous shell removal and shameless, gratuitously humiliating nudity.

Poor Verne.