Twinkie: 1, Moose, 0

Could this end any other way?

No.

Top 5 Things Standing Between RJ and Verne and Extinction

 

5.  The Strategic Twinkie Reserve

4.  The Strategic Nacho Cheese Dust Reserve

3.  The Endangered Cartoon Animal Character Species Act of 1987

2. Too cute to die.

1.  A hedge.

The One With Elvis In a Coma

Elvis says, “Hi.” He’s doing just fine as a hallucinatory side-effect from a Twinkie overdose.

And he just looks great.

Four out of Five high fructose corn syrup addicts prefer the younger bloat-less Elvis over the Other Brand.

Since my life has left me
I’ve found a new place to dwell
You can find me rockin’ RJ’s head
At the Insulin Resistant Hotel

 

Sodium Acid Pyrophosphate RIP

Beware stale, glowing Twinkies from a bazillion* years in the future.

Just saying.

(*more than a zillion, but less than babuttloadazillion)

 

 

 

The iHam: Now With iSnack

I truly believe the day will come where you can order pizza online and it’ll be delivered electronically as a digital recipe for your in home food fabricator.  It will look and taste like pizza, but will be sculpted entirely of flavored gelatinous moss-goo. Moss-goo will come in replacement cartridges like you see in digital printers today.  And also like digital printers, the food fabricators will be inexpensive, but the moss-goo cartridges will be very expensive.  This will force most people to only fabricate food on special occasions or use the instant (or draft) setting where all food is fabricated as a square block of grey-green moss-goo.  It won’t look like pizza or taste like pizza, but the word ‘pizza’ will be stamped on the top so you can point and say, “Pizza.”

The future:  No flying cars, but lots of square grey-green blocks of “pizza.”

 

Twinkie Resurrection: Day Four, KA-FOOM!!

Top 5 Explosion Onamonapias

5.  KA-FOOOM!!

4.  BA-DA-BOOM!

3.  BOOM-CHUCKA-LUCKA-LUCKA

2.  CHITTY-CHITTY-BANG-BANG!

1,  POP GOES THE GELATINOUS NITRO GOO FILLED SNACK CAKE!

Twinkie Deathwatch: Day Four, Wait, What?

At the equator the earth spins at 1038 mph.  A sudden stop at that speed would send everything down to the bedrock continuing in motion at 1038 mph.   The only safe place would be at the North and South poles where the spin speed is always zero.   So, in the case of an actual end to Twinkie production we should all move to the poles.

This has been courtesy safety message from the Emergency Twinkie Disruption System.  In the event of an actual emergency you most certainly will be airborne. So, there’s not much point in worrying about it.

You’re welcome.

Again.

Top 5 Over the Hedge Onamonapias

5:  FOOM!:  the sound of zombie leaves being nuked.

4:  SMUCK!:  the sound of a soggy Twinkie colliding with Verne’s head.

3:  TWOOP!:  the sound of a nut exiting Hammy’s ear.

2:  SQUEEEP!:  the sound of RJ finding half a Sarah Lee pound cake in the trash.

1:  ARGHHHPHT!:  the sound of Verne discovering he has a “Mock Me” sign taped to his back.

Time Lord Hammy

This isn’t exactly what I wrote, but I guess it works okay.   T just hates to draw this sort of cross panel time bendy kind of thing.  I don’t care.  It’s fun.  And strange.  And maybe doesn’t quite make sense.

Over the Hedge:  Two artists annoying each other for your amusement since 1995.

(Oo!  Speaking of Time Lords…  Dr. Who’s Karen Gilliam is on Craig Ferguson tonight (I’ve got a creepy old guy crush on her).  And Dr. Who himself Matt Smith is on Craig Ferguson on Friday.  And Craig Ferguson is on every night.  But you already knew that.)

Top 5 Go To RJ Lines While Under Stress

5.  I am not the droid you’re looking for.

4.  You can have my Twinkie when you pry it from my cold dead fingers.

3.  I have a black belt in screaming like a little girl.

2.  Some Elks Clubs in Saskatchewan worship me like a God.

1.  Look!  Green Lantern!