Dark Matter of Fact

According to Wikipedia:

“…dark matter is matter that is inferred to exist from gravitational effects on visible matter and background radiation, but is undetectable by emitted or scattered electromagnetic radiation. Its existence was hypothesized to account for discrepancies between measurements of…. …the entire universe made through.. …measurements based on the mass of visible “luminous” matter… From these figures, dark matter constitutes 80% of the matter in the universe, while ordinary matter makes up only 20%.”

So, dark matter is stellar stuff we can’t see, but know it’s there.  Like say…

Black duct tape.

…binding, wrapping, securing and sticking the Universe together since the Big Bang.

God may not play dice with the Universe, but who’s to say he wouldn’t patch up a leaky black hole with some cosmic duct tape in a pinch?

Certainly not me.

Pandoran Sweat Shop Blues

In the cut-throat, bottom line world of Universe Fabric Fabrication no one can compete with the blue people.  Unfortunately, Pandora being out of reach of the long arm of the House Commerce Committee, has a few QOS issues.  Shoddy quantum workmanship, defective inter-dimensional connectivity and traces of lead used to bind sub-atomic string membranes have all contributed to a sub-standard product with an extremely high caffeinated squirrel rip to tear failure rate.

Until these QOS issues are addressed we at the Over the Hedge Intitute for a Safer Reality cannot with good conscience recomment universe fabric fabricated from Pandora.   That is all.

Over the Hedge:  Making the world safe from alien outsourcing since 1995

Yadda, Yadda, Nada, Yuktatta

Today’s cartoon is what we in the industry (and by industry I mean business, and by business I mean, show business) call a “bridge.”  A bridge is our technical term for, “We have no joke, but we have to push the storyline along.”  “Uh-oh,” does not a punch line make.   At best, it’s a barely marginal dramatic tease for the hilarity to come — tomorrow, or maybe the day after, or maybe…

…never.

You can’t win the lottery if you don’t play.  And you can’t find out if we’ve turned into “Mary Worth Meets Mark Trail to Help Hammy Give Dating Advice to the Girls in Apartment 3-G” if you don’t keep reading.*

Over the Hedge:  Hand waving our way past awkward unfunny narrative transitions since 1995.

*Never tear a hole in the fabric of the universe on the first date.

Starbucks is Bad for Squirrels and Other Living Things

Starbucks has always displayed a kind of arrogant evil genius by charging $4 for a long standing consumer staple that used to be 50 cents.  Sure the coffee is better.  But is it THAT much better?   And as we can see in today’s cartoon… in the wrong furry little hands Starbucks could threaten our very existence.   I think Starbucks needs a new warning label.

Warning:  The beverage you are about to enjoy is very hot.  And heavily caffeinated.  Keep out of reach of wacky squirrels.  Not responsible for alterations in the space/time continuum.  Any misuse or re-misuse is expressly forbidden without the expressed written permission of Major League Dodge Ball.   Tip your waiters.  I’ll be here all week.  Try the veal.

Go giants.

Fire Greg Davis.

And don’t forget to vote tomorrow.

Early and often.

 

Star Farts

I always say, If you’re going to do a fart gag, go galactic or don’t go at all.

T’s drawing of Sirius is seriously good.

No Dreams May Come

If there really are infinite parallel universes then there’s at least one where Twinkies don’t exist.

Hell by any other name.

The Land of Mold and Honey

You know, a cartoonist is a kind of god.  We create a world and populate it with creatures of our own choosing. It’s pretty cool, except when it isn’t.  

The problem is that if you’re a kind and loving god and fill your creation with kind and loving characters it’s really, REALLY boring.  So, you create a balance of kind and loving characters and selfish and conniving characters and a terrapin punching bag with mildew issues.  You do this because you require conflict to make your creation function.  

The universe is dynamic, not static.  Even in the densest elements, the electrons are always moving

The Creamy Center of the Universe

In a million years when cockroaches have evolved to become the planet’s highest life form, a six-legged archeologist will uncover evidence of our present human civilization.   Many things will puzzle him.   Michael Jackson. The ShamWow.  Sporks.  But the most puzzling of of all will be a small golden sponge cake with a creamy center — still spongy and still creamy after all these years.   A quick check of the expiration date will reveal it will still be edible in another million years. 

The Twinkie will out spongy even the cockroach.   At the end of time, when the universe has either expanded or contracted or exploded or curled up with a Judith Krantz novel and warm mug of cocoa,