Monthly Archives: March 2011

Probing Hammy’s Brain

Over the Hedge

The Happy Face visual punch line is nice, but Hammy’s, “I didn’t see any ducks,” makes me laugh.   I think this explains why I’m not a more successful writer.

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What’s Written on the Back of Hammy’s Eyelids?

Over the Hedge

People always ask me where I get my ideas.  I bought this one on Ebay.  Had to outbid Stephan Pastis and Darby Conley for it.

Over the Hedge:  Sparing no expense to entertain you since 1995.

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Probing Suburbia

Over the Hedge

I think UFO’s are real.  I mean, maybe they’re not aliens, but there’s something going on.  Too many unexplained sightings.  What I don’t get is why the sightings are all so similar.  No one ever sees a a flying spatula or a blinking artichoke.  It’s always a saucer or cigar shaped (aliens have penis envy?) or a row of blinking lights.

Here’s my theory.  UFO’s are inter-dimensional or alternate-universe voyeurs.   They zip in to check out the human zoo, get bored quickly and zip out.  I said it’s a theory.

It’s either that or like one of my favorite Far Side cartoons, they’re here to pick up their buddies:

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Have You Hugged an Alien Today?

Over the Hedge

I doubt aliens smell like cherry Starbursts.   Mostly because of the pine tree deodorizer hanging from their rear-view mirror. How do I know these things?

I could tell you but then I’d have to flash you.  I mean, with my memory eraser flasher thingy.  Not, flash you with my…

Look!  Batman!

[You look, see nothing, then turn back to see I’ve disappeared into the mist.  Cue strings sliding down into a dissonant chord]

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Limabeanasproutaphobia

I like this Committed cartoon I did from 2002.   The perspectives’ a little weird, but overall it’s not too badly drawn.  I like Liz with her mouth just open.  Less is more.

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Introducing Sven, One Handsome Hunk of Swede

Over the Hedge

Maybe Sven can be our 4th wheel?   He’s cute.  Strong appeal to the women demo.  He’s Nordic.   We’ve always been very big in Scandinavia.  And, of course, everyone likes a massage.

Even air massages.

Who wants an air massage from Sven?

 

 

 

 

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We Are Fa-mi-ly!

Over the Hedge

We are family
I got all my peeps with me
We are family
Get up ev’rybody and HUG!

Ev’ryone can see we’re the same
As you sit there and stare
(GLARE) you glare at a squirrel of some fame
In you underwear
(YOU!) You wonder how we can be all close
Yes, you scratchin’ your fanny.
It cause we always be huggin’ it out
Like a squirrel named Hammy.

We are family
I got all my peeps with me
We are family
Get up ev’rybody and HUG!

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The Top Four Ways You Really Don’t Want to Die

Over the Hedge

Top Four Ways You Really Don’t Want to Die

4.  Crushed by blue ice from a passing jet.

3.  Crushed by blue ice from a passing jet while performing autoerotic asphyxiation.

2.  Crushed by blue ice from a passing jet while performing autoerotic asphyxiation in dirty underwear.

1.  Crushed by blue ice from a passing jet while performing autoerotic asphyxiation in dirty underwear while reading Garfield.

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The March of the Butterflies

Over the Hedge

That’s a great middle panel.

Because, you know, it’s really hard to get butterflies to march in formation like that.

 

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Snack Long and Prosper

Over the Hedge

Here are the listed  ingredients in a Twinkie:

Enriched Bleached Wheat Flour [Flour, Reduced Iron, B Vitamins (Niacin, Thiamine Mononitrate (B1), Riboflavin (B2), Folic Acid)], Corn Syrup, Sugar, High Fructose Corn Syrup, Water, Partially Hydrogenated Vegetable and/or Animal Shortening (Soybean, Cottonseed and/or Canola Oil, Beef Fat), Whole Eggs, Dextrose. Contains 2% or Less of: Modified Corn Starch, Glucose, Leavenings (Sodium Acid Pyrophosphate, Baking Soda, Monocalcium Phosphate), Sweet Dairy Whey, Soy Protein Isolate, Calcium and Sodium Caseinate, Salt, Mono and Diglycerides, Polysorbate 60, Soy Lecithin, Soy Flour, Cornstarch, Cellulose Gum, Sodium Stearoyl Lactylate, Natural and Artificial Flavors, Sorbic Acid (to Retain Freshness), Yellow 5, Red 40.

And here’s what they look like:

If we are what we eat – and you eat enough Twinkies – then by RJ’s logic he’ll live long as a Twinkie.  Which, like the universe, is infinite and everlasting.  A-men.

Or at least RJ’s bloated corpulent corpse will be well preserved as a warning to future generations to eat their vegetables and stay off the crack.

I mean, snack.

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