Monthly Archives: April 2011

Top 5 Reasons Walmart Never Has Enough Checkout Aisles Open

Over the Hedge

5.  Checker shortage due to alien abductions of low-skilled labor to work in their unobtanium mines.

4.  If no one had to wait, no one would ever buy the five pound bags of Skittles that line the checkout aisles.

3.  Travis, the manager, really, really regrets his liberal arts degree and he’s taking it out on you.

2.  They were going to man every checkout aisle with trained lemurs, but the lemurs unionized.  No more lemurs.

1.  No pain, no Gain*

*Gain Hawaiian Aloha Detergent With Febreze Freshness:  $14.97

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Queen of the Unibrow

Again, apologies for the late delivery of my link-bank on Frida Kahlo (self portrait below).

According to Wikipedia

Frida Kahlo de Rivera (July 6, 1907 – July 13, 1954; born Magdalena Carmen Frieda Kahlo y Calderón)[2][3] was a Mexican painter, born in Coyoacán,[4] and perhaps best known for her self-portraits.[5]

Kahlo’s life began and ended in Mexico City, in her home known as the Blue House. She gave her birth date as July 7, 1910, but her birth certificate shows July 6, 1907. Kahlo had allegedly wanted the year of her birth to coincide with the year of the beginning of the Mexican revolution so that her life would begin with the birth of modern Mexico. At age 6 years, Frida developed polio, which caused her right leg to appear much thinner than the other. It was to remain that way permanently. [6] Her work has been celebrated in Mexico as emblematic of national and indigenous tradition, and by feminists for its uncompromising depiction of the female experience and form.[7]

Mexican culture and Amerindian cultural tradition are important in her work, which has been sometimes characterized as Naïve art or folk art.[8] Her work has also been described as “surrealist”, and during 1938 one surrealist described Kahlo as a “ribbon around a bomb”.[7]

Kahlo had a marriage with the famous Mexican artist Diego Rivera. She suffered lifelong health problems, many of which derived from a traffic accident during her teenage years. These issues are perhaps represented by her works, many of which are self-portraits of one sort or another. Kahlo suggested, “I paint myself because I am so often alone and because I am the subject I know best.”[9] She also stated, “I was born a bitch. I was born a painter.”[10]

I’m a big fan of Frida and her work.  I like her uni-brow and her un-bleached moustache.  She was a realist surrealist – if that makes any sense.  She painted who she saw, not what she saw.

And I don’t know what the monkey symbolizes.   Perhaps sometimes a monkey is a just monkey.

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The One Where Middle-Unibrow Hipster Fire Ants Invade Wal-Mart

Over the Hedge

Mea culpa.  Mea culpa.  Mea idiot.

The link is wrong and I, once again, forgot about the Frieda link-back thing.  I will post something momentarily.

Sheesh.

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Fire Ants With Chainsaws

Over the Hedge

Fire ants. Wal-Mart.  Drag Queen.  Chainsaws. Todd, the nonjudgmental greeter.

What could possibly go wrong?

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Queen Up on Aisle 32

Over the Hedge

Yeah, I used the title pun as a gag in yesterday’s blog post.  And I think it’s a joke in one of this week’s cartoons.  But I’ve improved it.  Really.  32 is much funnier than 9.  And I have proof.

Mel Brooks started out as a writer in early television on Sid Ceasar’s “Your Show of Shows along with later star scribes such as Neil Simon, Danny Simon, Mel Tolkin, and Carl Reiner.  One day they were writing a skit that called for an elevator operator (Imogene Coca) to announce the floor in a department store when the elevator doors opened.  But what floor number.  What is the funniest number.  Mel, somewhat arrogantly, announced that 32 is the funniest number.  The other writers were less sure.  How could Mel possibly know?  But Mel was certain.  And to prove it he had Imogene Coca come into the writers and recite different floor numbers.   Ten.  Seventeen.  Twenty-three.  Twenty-nine.  And finally, as only Imogene Coca could say, “Terdy-do!”  Everyone laughed.  Mel was right.

32 is the funniest number.

Q.E.D.

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The Art of the Caricature by artist John Kascht

John is either extremely well paid or he derives material and spiritual sustenance from the sheer volume of his output.  I prefer to think the later.

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Apocalpyse Chow

Over the Hedge

For those of you keeping score at home that’s a curling iron RJ’s using to cook his hot dogs.  He should probably be cooking them lengthwise, but that would have been even more difficult to read.  Sometimes we have to sacrifice sense for sensibility.

Over the Hedge:  Employing artistic and small appliance license since 1995.

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Queen Izzy, Long May She Flame

Over the Hedge

For all the victimization, Verne can be a cruel little turtle.

Queen up on Aisle 9!

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Don’t Be a Drag, Just Be a Drag Queen Fire Ant

Over the Hedge

I’m pretty sure Izzy is the world’s first drag queen fire ant in the history of the comics.   It’ll be a sign of the times whether this is met with a collective yawn or indignant howls from  the NAHO (National Association of the Hysterically Offended).   I’m fairly certain GLTGIA (Gay Lesbian Trans-Gendered Insect Alliance) has a sense of humor.   At least I hope so.

And no, I don’t know where Izzy got those tiny fruit for his/her Carmen Miranda hat.   Perhaps The Local Organic Free Range Tiny Fruit Co-Op where all fruit are picked by the natural laws of the Universe.*

*Gravity.**

**Some bruising may occur.

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A Whiff of Velveeta and Resignation

Over the Hedge

I’ve always said you can’t have enough fire ant drag queens in your comic strip and now I’ve put the character where my mouth is.

Or something like that.

Over the Hedge:  An Equal Opportunity Offender Since 1995.


 

 

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