Monthly Archives: April 2011

Hammyshine

Over the Hedge

Hammy’s light switch reminds me of when our daughters were little and my wife and I would always struggle to find their cute switch.  We knew there was one, because it seemed to be off a lot of the time.

But we never could find it.

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Lady Za Za

Over the Hedge

El Rancho Camelot is the place to be.
Suburban livin’ is the life for me.
Minivans spreadin’ out so far and wide
Keep Manhattan, just give me that TV Guide.

New York is where I’d thought I’d stay.
But I’m allergic to the Great White Way.
I just adore a tract house view.
Dah-ling I love this you can have Park Avenue.

…Walmart!
…Golf carts!
…Twinkies!
…No extended pinkies!

Hello, mild-life!
Good bye, city life.
Suburbia we are here!

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For She’s a Jolly Good Fire Ant Drag Queen…

Over the Hedge

I’ve actually been to Bentonville and met with WalMart excutives about RingTales back when we were first getting started.  We were trying to get our animations on their in store TV network.  We didn’t succeed, but it was worth going for the experience of seeing one of the largest corporations in the world up close.   My take away was that they were trying awfully hard to pretend they weren’t one of the largest corporations in the world.  The culture had,  “an authoritative lack of pretentiousness.”  As though each executive was wired with a device that shocked them if they spent more than $15 on a haircut or wore anything other than a suit from Men’s Warehouse (even Walmart doesn’t expect its execs to shop at WalMart).

But that was five years ago.  I suspect things have changed.  WalMart is sporting quite a green facade these days.   They build more energy efficient stores.  They recently mandated a significant reduction in packaging materials from their suppliers.   And they’ve dropped the hyphen in their name.  That single hyphen in all WalMart advertisment and promotional materials saves 76,000 trees each year.

Not really.  I just made that tree saving thing up.   But it probably saves a few trees.  And that’s a good thing.  I guess.

WalMart isn’t the worst thing in the world.  It saves a lot of people a lot of money on stuff they need and they think they need.  I just wish they’d open more checkout stands and keep the Over the Hedge DVD out of the bargain bin.

Yeah, that’s me at the Buda, TX store that keeps swapping price tags between the Hedge DVD and the Cars DVD.   I don’t make any more royalties, I just really didn’t like Cars.

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Top 5 Reasons Walmart Never Has Enough Checkout Aisles Open

Over the Hedge

5.  Checker shortage due to alien abductions of low-skilled labor to work in their unobtanium mines.

4.  If no one had to wait, no one would ever buy the five pound bags of Skittles that line the checkout aisles.

3.  Travis, the manager, really, really regrets his liberal arts degree and he’s taking it out on you.

2.  They were going to man every checkout aisle with trained lemurs, but the lemurs unionized.  No more lemurs.

1.  No pain, no Gain*

*Gain Hawaiian Aloha Detergent With Febreze Freshness:  $14.97

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Queen of the Unibrow

Again, apologies for the late delivery of my link-bank on Frida Kahlo (self portrait below).

According to Wikipedia

Frida Kahlo de Rivera (July 6, 1907 – July 13, 1954; born Magdalena Carmen Frieda Kahlo y Calderón)[2][3] was a Mexican painter, born in Coyoacán,[4] and perhaps best known for her self-portraits.[5]

Kahlo’s life began and ended in Mexico City, in her home known as the Blue House. She gave her birth date as July 7, 1910, but her birth certificate shows July 6, 1907. Kahlo had allegedly wanted the year of her birth to coincide with the year of the beginning of the Mexican revolution so that her life would begin with the birth of modern Mexico. At age 6 years, Frida developed polio, which caused her right leg to appear much thinner than the other. It was to remain that way permanently. [6] Her work has been celebrated in Mexico as emblematic of national and indigenous tradition, and by feminists for its uncompromising depiction of the female experience and form.[7]

Mexican culture and Amerindian cultural tradition are important in her work, which has been sometimes characterized as Naïve art or folk art.[8] Her work has also been described as “surrealist”, and during 1938 one surrealist described Kahlo as a “ribbon around a bomb”.[7]

Kahlo had a marriage with the famous Mexican artist Diego Rivera. She suffered lifelong health problems, many of which derived from a traffic accident during her teenage years. These issues are perhaps represented by her works, many of which are self-portraits of one sort or another. Kahlo suggested, “I paint myself because I am so often alone and because I am the subject I know best.”[9] She also stated, “I was born a bitch. I was born a painter.”[10]

I’m a big fan of Frida and her work.  I like her uni-brow and her un-bleached moustache.  She was a realist surrealist – if that makes any sense.  She painted who she saw, not what she saw.

And I don’t know what the monkey symbolizes.   Perhaps sometimes a monkey is a just monkey.

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The One Where Middle-Unibrow Hipster Fire Ants Invade Wal-Mart

Over the Hedge

Mea culpa.  Mea culpa.  Mea idiot.

The link is wrong and I, once again, forgot about the Frieda link-back thing.  I will post something momentarily.

Sheesh.

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Fire Ants With Chainsaws

Over the Hedge

Fire ants. Wal-Mart.  Drag Queen.  Chainsaws. Todd, the nonjudgmental greeter.

What could possibly go wrong?

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