There, there Hammy. Let’s put a little aloe vera on that emotional boo-boo and you’ll be all better.
Verne is so mean.
Top Five Reasons Tattoos Are a Bad Idea
5. A flaming vampire hamster on your back does not distract from your acne scars.
4. “Bob Forever” is very difficult to change into “Bogoslav Forever”
3. That Chinese character on your ankle actually means, “Toenail Merchant”
2. In 2054 when your butt sags to your knees, those Rolling Stone lips will look like a clown vagina.
1. They make God sad.
For Immediate Occupancy: Spank your inner Lady Gaga with this stunning turreted Tudor and Beach themed hideaway with flaming moat/s’mores grill, worker’s quarters, master of her domain bedroom with spacious walk-in dungeon. Includes miles of hidden passageways for easy escapes and/or coordinated attacks on invading suburbanites. Builder terms available. Not a foreclosure.
Some wag over at comics.com said that Discarded Plot Threads box should be a lot bigger.
Actually, the box opens into a secret underground storage facility the size of Manhattan. An army of of blind, hairless mice catalog tens of thousands of errant, hopeless, dead-end, nonsensical, profane and ridiculously complicated plot threads. From Vlad Raptor’s Attractiveness Deficit Disorder Seminars to Verne Crashes Obama’s Inauguration In Hopes of Becoming First Pet. It’s a treasure trove of misguided notions and last-second-on-deadline-non sequiturs. And an Ant Farm.
Thanks, hairless, blind mice for a job well done. Now back to work, before I ship the whole operation to Bangalore.*
*I’ve found that hairless, blind mice respond well to veiled threats of outsourcing.