Monthly Archives: April 2012

Top 5 Dull Pets

5.  Fish.

4. Reptiles (Verne would just sit there reading Proust).

3. Ants (work, work, work)

2.  Sea Monkeys (die, die, die)

1.  Dodo bird (dead, dead, dead).

 

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Moan On the Range

Hammy is one of the last true butterboys to ride the suburban range.  Herding butterflies is an art. It takes skill and patience. And a trusty poodle under your saddle.

Butterboyin’ is tough work.  It’s not for every Tom, Dick or Hammy.

Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be butterboys.
Don’t let ’em pick sitar or name themselves Huck.
Let ’em be podiatrists and cartoonists and such.
Mamas don’t let your babies grow up to be butterboys.
‘Cos they’ll always moan since their phone’s stuck on roam.
Especially with AT&T.

 

 

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The One With Verne and the Puddle Dolphin*

Translation of E-E-E-E-E:

“You are a straight turtle in an obscure comic strip while I am a dolphin who lives in a an extra-dimensional puddle inside a hyper-active squirrel’s imagination. With cable.  And wi-fi.  And roller skating bears.  So there!”

*He is not Flipper.  But he once stayed at a Holiday Inn.

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This Just In: Florida Kills Squid

Actually there is a squid larger than the giant squid called the colossal squid.

Or as it’s known in the comics community:  Marmasquid.

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Whales: You Can’t Eat Just One

An average beluga whale weighing 3000 lbs. contains 5,050,000 calories.*

And now you know.

*Beluga’s are 40% blubber at 3900 calories per pound.  I figured 25% is whale meat at 496 calories per pound. The rest I figured is indigestible (bones, tendons, ligaments, teeth, etc.).

 

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The One With Shag Carpeting and a Giant Squid

Squids are masters of camouflage as seen here:

And here:

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The Underpuddle World of Jock Hamme´

Don’t tell me you didn’t know giant squids love pie.  Coconut Cream mostly.  And on occasion, Mock Apple (made with Ritz Crackers).

It’s true.  I don’t make this stuff up.

Except when I do.

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