Monthly Archives: August 2012

Square Books Jr. Review of The Odd Squad: Bully Bait

 

Found this on the Square Books Jr blog.  Square Books is a famous independent book store in Oxford, MS.  Writers who have had their first book signings at Square Books include John Grisham (A Time To Kill), Larry Brown (Facing the Music),Charles Frazier (Cold Mountain), and (in the U.S.) AustralianRichard Flanagan (The Sound of One Hand Clapping) and CanadianYann Martel (The Life of Pi).

I don’t know who the reviewer is but it’s clear whomever it is has excellent penmanship as well as excellent taste.   Thank you.

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Greetings…

Mama mama can’t you see,
What the wild’s done to me.

Yanked me out of paradise,
Dropped me down in a bed of lice.

Mama mama can’t you see,
What the wild’s done to me.

They took away my cracker jacks,
now I’m eatin’ bark for snacks.

Mama mama can’t you see,
what the wild’s done to me.

I use to sleep way past noon,
Now I’m up with the moon.

Mama mama can’t you see,
what the wild’s done to me.

I use to walk without a care
Now I run from ten bears.

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RJ: Top 5 Ingredients

 

5. Hutzpah

4. Gall

3. Situational Ignorance

2. Sarcasm

1. High Fructose Corn Syrup

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She’s Here All Week, Try the Veal

 

If you think about it, a donut is just a creative highly-processed/enriched/recombination of ingredients originally procured from Mother Nature pantry.

You can’t spell unnatural without natural.

I’ll be rationalizing all week. Don’t forget to tip your waiters and waitresses.

Pssst… the veal’s just okay.

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The One With Owen Wilson’s Nose

 

Today’s cartoon is an example of how you can cobble together a bunch of other people’s jokes and broken noses to create something that has all the appearance of being funny with none of the actual laughter.

Over the Hedge: Letting you know when we suck since 1995.

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Top 5 Things It’s Not Nice To Tease Mother Nature About

5. Hot Flashes

4. No ice cap is slimming

3. Carbon breath

2. Everyone is bare down there (deforestation)

1. Her AARP membership

 

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Find the Hidden Insulin Pump

It’s right there, under the incision under RJ’s arm.

Pump-a-pump-a-pump-a-WHOOSH!

Over the Hedge: Providing full medical benefits to all our characters regardless of pre-existing conditions (sugar addiction, mildew dermatitis  extreme caffeine sensitivity) since 1995.

 

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Top 5 Reasons Tornados Target Mobile Homes

It turns out a LOT of my regular readers live in mobile homes. Who knew?  On to the list:

5.  A mobile home once shot a man in Reno just to watch him die.

4.  Addictive. You can’t explode just one.

3.  That’s where the rednecks are.

2.  Testing whether they really are MOBILE.

1.  They’re in the way.

 

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The One With A Man In Black (And a Happy Face Tie)

Common sense is a controlled substance? Controlled by whom?  Or what?  Wouldn’t you want as much common sense as possible?  Can there be such a thing as too much common sense? Why am I asking these questions?  Didn’t I write this in the first place? What was I thinking?  Was I thinking?  Am I able to think? What is the process by which I think? Does it involve controlled substances? Which controlled substances? Is it gin? How much gin?  Too much gin?  Too little gin? Just the right amount of gin? And one last question:…

Where can I buy a happy face tie?

 

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What Do Ebola, Peppermint Schnapps and Chihuahuas Have in Common?

My theory on chihuahuas is they’re 100 pounds of dog in a five pound package and they’re really, really pissed off about it. Our dog Jack is a pit bull and I wouldn’t bet two cents on him in a ring with a chihuahua. I could really get behind an anti-immigration policy that sends chihuahuas straight back to where they came from.  Straight back to Hell.

Nasty, cruel things come in tiny packages.

Like ebola and peppermint schnapps.

And chihuahuas.

 

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