Tag Archives: bears

Beige Turtles Can’t Bound

Hedge08142017I was going to list Verne as white. But he’s really beige. And problem kind of puke-y green if we’re totally honest about it.

Fun joke:

A bunch of Neo-nazis walk into a bear. Bear says, “When are you idiots going to learn how to spell?  Then he ate them.

Bears rock.


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Raccoons > Bears

oh151029Morphology suggests weasels are a common ancestor. DNA suggests bears. Field observations suggests they’re both wrong. Best guess: raccoons are aliens.

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Appall Me Maybe

This didn’t quite work. The idea was for the butterflies to form the letters as though they’re the ones creating Verne’s thoughts.

Oh well. Sometimes you eat the bear and sometimes the bear eats you. I have no idea what that means, but it sounds like the thing to say when you screw up and you have an irrational fear of bears.

Or something.

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The One With A Man In Black (And a Happy Face Tie)

Common sense is a controlled substance? Controlled by whom?  Or what?  Wouldn’t you want as much common sense as possible?  Can there be such a thing as too much common sense? Why am I asking these questions?  Didn’t I write this in the first place? What was I thinking?  Was I thinking?  Am I able to think? What is the process by which I think? Does it involve controlled substances? Which controlled substances? Is it gin? How much gin?  Too much gin?  Too little gin? Just the right amount of gin? And one last question:…

Where can I buy a happy face tie?


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What Do Ebola, Peppermint Schnapps and Chihuahuas Have in Common?

My theory on chihuahuas is they’re 100 pounds of dog in a five pound package and they’re really, really pissed off about it. Our dog Jack is a pit bull and I wouldn’t bet two cents on him in a ring with a chihuahua. I could really get behind an anti-immigration policy that sends chihuahuas straight back to where they came from.  Straight back to Hell.

Nasty, cruel things come in tiny packages.

Like ebola and peppermint schnapps.

And chihuahuas.


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