Tag Archives: elves

Elves of Infinite Jest

oh161215Today’s title comes from a commentator over at gocomics.com.  I always give credit where credit is due. Which why T deserves a tip-o-pen for adding stripy to “stained stripy red.” Good, funny change.

 

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Cable Elves

oh161214This explains most cable guy’s casually relationship with time. North Pole time is relative. One second in real world is hours at the North Pole. I know this because I made it up in my (and co-author Bradley Jackson) bestselling Christmas novel, The Naughty List. Now available on ebook in all formats for $1.99.  Click on the cover for the link.

nlcover

Incontinent reindeer is included.

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The One With Mrs. Claus and Pig Races

oh151212Everything that happens in Branson stays in Branson.

Thank goodness.

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Curly Toes

oh151211Poor elves. Poor curly toed elves. Poor curly toed shackled elves.

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How Do the Elves Make All Those Toys?

oh141210The North Pole is a Right To Melt state. <rim shot>

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Laugh and the Shin-Kickers Win

Just what the world needs… an influx of short, highly skilled workers competing for sparse global toy building jobs. When the elves find their path to prosperity blocked by anti-immigrant fever they’re sure to grow embittered and enraged and will almost certainly lash out in the only way they know how:  shin kicking.

You won’t know where. You won’t know when. Then…just when you least expect it….  WHAM!  You’ll get shin kicked.

You’ll look down, but the shin kicker will be gone, having disappeared into the mist.

Don’t laugh.  Laugh and shin-kickers win. This is a war. A war on shin-kicking. Stay alert. Keep your head on a swivel.

Stay twitchy my friends.

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Santa Is Swimming to Town

Okay, before everyone goes ballistic on the cartoonist license I took on the term, “global warming,” please be assured that I understand what the term really means.

Global warming really means that the giant turtle that carries the Earth on its back across the universe is now a five pack a day smoker and the second hand heat from his Salem 100’s is warming the planet and causing the weather to go all higgly-piggly — with warmer warms and colder colds and wetter wets and drier drys.

But that doesn’t make for a very interesting storyline about the North Pole melting in the middle of winter now does it?

So, get off my back and get on that turtle’s back and slap on a nicotine patch.

That is all.

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