Tag Archives: idiot

A Priceless Hug

Hedge041819Don’t look a gift hug in the arms.

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Checkmate

Hedge09282018Not exactly what I wrote. This works, but what I wrote is better and clearer.

Jerry (holding a large hammer):  He never sees it coming.
RJ (to Verne):  Why doesn’t your chess set have a hammer?
V:  It’s an upgrade.

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Jerry Is a Jar Head

Hedge09272018Maybe we’ll keep these guys around. Maybe.

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The One With Weasel Powered Flying Cars

Hedge04022018Verne may be the victim, but RJ really is an idiot.

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The Right To Arm Bob

oh161014Hilary also wants your tennis rackets, badminton rackets, croquet mallets and wickets. And spatulas. Don’t forget the spatulas.

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Squirrels Bounce

oh160913When my daughters were little and they fell down I would always point out that  kids bounce. Not very high. Or really at all. The point was they’re not these super fragile beings that need to be carefully cocooned every living second.

And then one day my daughter fell off a swing. In tears, she showed me her rapidly swelling wrist. I hugged her and told her to shake it off. My wife, the smart one, instantly realized it was more serious. Later, X-ray in hand, I was chastised by the sight of a clean total break of her radius.

So, basically, kids do not bounce. At least not all the time.

And I’m an idiot.

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How Batman Might TRY to Beat Superman

oh160216I realize that Batman and Superman have battled in the comic books.  Usually, Batman uses some sort of kryptonite weapon to weaken Superman (and he has superior tactics). But still, the premise is ridiculous. First, they should be allies, not enemies. Second, WTF, it’s Superman!  He’s made of steel! He flies!  He flies FAST! He ?#$$!! once slowed the Earth’s orbit!

 

 

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