Tag Archives: sad

The One Where We Misquote Emily Dickinson

It’s supposed to be:

Because I could not wait for Death
He kindly STOPPED for me.

My bad. We do have an editor. But this is one of my favorite poems by one of my favorite poets and I should just know better.

It was a good cartoon too.

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Twinkie Ressurection: Day Six, No Sad Unicorns

Top 5 Ways To Make a Unicorn Sad:

5.  Sing, “I’ve Never Been To Me” — “I’ve slept with kings and seen some things a girl’s not suppose to see.”

4.  Hang your wet socks to dry on its horn.

3.  Tattoo a death skull on its chest with streaming flames going down each side.

2.  Stop supporting breast exams at Planned Parenthood.

1.  Tell it it doesn’t exist.

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Eskimos vs. Aliens

Top 5 Reasons Eskimos Always Kick Alien Butt in Thumb Wrestling

5.  Eskimos slather thumbs with slippery seal blubber.

4.  Aliens especially vulnerable to depression from Seasonal Affected Disorder rendering them into whiny, pathetic puddles of frozen green goo.

3.  Eskimo’s train with polar bears (thumb vs. paw).

2.  Alien thumbs all wiggly.

1.  Green alien blood freezes at -5°F

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Top Five Reasons Tattoos Are a Bad Idea

Over the Hedge

Top Five Reasons Tattoos Are a Bad Idea

5.  A flaming vampire hamster on your back does not distract from your acne scars.

4.  “Bob Forever” is very difficult to change into “Bogoslav Forever”

3.  That Chinese character on your ankle actually means, “Toenail Merchant”

2.  In 2054 when your butt sags to your knees, those Rolling Stone lips will look like a clown vagina.

1.  They make God sad.

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