The One With Red Toxic Balls-o-Slime

Here’s the list of ingredients in Beefaroni:

Ingredients (27):

Tomato(es) (Water, Tomato(es) Puree) , Water, Beef, Macaroni Enriched (Semolina Wheat Flour, Niacin, Iron, Thiamine Mononitrate (Vitamin B1) [Vitamin B1] , Riboflavin (Vitamin B2)[Vitamin B2] , Folic Acid (Vitamin aB)) , Corn Syrup High Fructose, Contains less than 22% of Salt, Corn Starch Modified, Carrot(s) Product Isolated, Cheese Enzyme Modified (Cheese Cheddar [Milk Pasteurized, Cultures, Salt, Enzyme(s)] ) , Flavoring, Soybean(s) Oil and, Citric Acid

Nutrition Facts

• Serving Size: .5
• Servings Per Container: 2.0

• Amount Per Serving
• Calories 250.0Calories from Fat 80.0
• Total Calories 500Total Calories from Fat 160

•  % Daily Value* (DV)Recommended DV
• Total Fat 9.0 g14%65 g
  • Saturated Fat 4.0 g20%20 g
  • Trans Fat 0.0 g
• Cholesterol 25.0 mg 8% 300 mg
• Sodium 920.0 mg 38% 2,400 mg
• Potassium 0 mg 0% 3,500 mg
• Total Carbohydrate 31.0 g 10% 300 g
  • Dietary Fiber 3.0 g 12% 25 g
  • Sugars 6.0 g
• Protein 10.0 g

• Vitamin A 4.0%
• Calcium 2.0%
• Iron 8.0%

Wow. 920 mg of Sodium! That’s not good for you. Either is all that high fructose corn syrup. And how is “contains less than 22% of salt” a listed ingredient? Is the ingredient salt and they’re bragging it’s less than 22%.  That’s like saying it “contains less than 99% of crap.”

Jesus, I used to eat tons of this stuff as a kid.

We’re all going to die. Some of us will be a lot saltier than others.

RJ: Top 5 Ingredients

 

5. Hutzpah

4. Gall

3. Situational Ignorance

2. Sarcasm

1. High Fructose Corn Syrup

Sodium Acid Pyrophosphate RIP

Beware stale, glowing Twinkies from a bazillion* years in the future.

Just saying.

(*more than a zillion, but less than babuttloadazillion)